


The Fear of Falling Apart

by Purplebowtie59



Category: Panic! at the Disco, brendon urie - Fandom
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Medical Torture, Whump, medical whump, shameless whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-10 21:25:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15957857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplebowtie59/pseuds/Purplebowtie59
Summary: When 'This is Gospel' 's music video wraps up, Brendon is expecting an excited high-five from Cloud after finishing a great music video. But Cloud has something different in mind, much different. And Brendon is just along for the ride.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will be posting chapters weekly, or more often if the writing spirit moves me. Enjoy!

            When Brendon heard the director yell, “CUT!”, he smiled to himself, satisfied at yet another great music video. This one had been a really cool idea that Cloud had come up with, and fit perfectly with his idea of what the song meant. Not many times had he been so proud of not only his good friend and director Daniel ‘Cloud’ Campos for making such an artistic splendor of a video, but also for himself for settling in and committing to his role so quickly.

            Caught up in his pleasure, however, he failed to notice that none of the actors-dressed-as-surgeons had removed their masks or gowns yet. Confused, he looked around at each one and smiled saying, “Great job guys! Really convincing stuff there. That’s a wrap!”. But once again, none of them moved to remove their outfits. Brendon swung his legs around to jump off the gurney, still pondering why no one was moving to get off the set, when a hand behind him came out to catch his shoulder. It was now preventing him from moving. He glanced over his shoulder at the ‘surgeon’ who still had a hand gripping him pretty tightly. Brendon went to remove the hand when another hand shot out at him, and then another and another until they had all almost grabbed him all over. This felt all too similar to when they had been acting in the shooting of the video, but much more aggressive and serious.

                “Guys, what’s going on? Are we still shooting? I kinda want to get off the bed now”.

                 He went to jump down again but was still unable to budge any further than the edge of the gurney. He looked to Cloud to see what was going on, but he was nowhere to be seen. Brendon swore he had just seen and heard him clapping after yelling ‘cut’. Panic building, he went to call out for Cloud when one of the hands covered his mouth forcefully and another held the back of his head for support. He felt hands grip his ankles, legs, arms, chest; too many hands. He was then forced onto his back on the gurney, all while struggling against the strong arms pinning him down. Looking around frantically, Brendon finally made eye contact with Cloud who had somehow made his way around to the right side of the gurney. He no longer looked elated from the success of the shoot, instead a menacing smile crossed his face as he looked down at Brendon.

                  “Comfy?”, Cloud said with the same freaky smile on his face. Brendon struggled to yell out to him but was still unable to speak with the hand firmly over his mouth. Confusion and hurt was sprawled across his face which Cloud could obviously see as he chuckled to himself.

                  “I was a sick man, Brendon; the kind of sick I thought you keep to yourself for many years until it just kinda infects your whole body, there’s no place to hide it any more. Oh don’t give me that look, all this, it’s nothing personal! You’re a good guy and I love directing your music videos! It’s just I’ve been fantasizing a lot about you lately; not sexually, don’t be so crude. But you have just this perfect way about you, and I have this crazy fascination with good looking guys being made to do whatever I want to them. And yes, for many years I believed it was a terrible illness, that my brain was somehow broken, but recently I have come to find many people have this wonderful gift that I possess. I call it a gift because its something I now see is a blessing, to be able to see the potential in every situation for it to become better, more interesting, more intense. And this music video is my grand plan, my long-running fantasy. I just needed the perfect guy to act it out and here you are!”

                   Brendon began to feel sick to his stomach. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. What the hell had gotten into Cloud? What the hell was he talking about? None of it made any sense. Brendon’s head began to pound; this game was getting old fast, and Brendon just wanted it all to end.

                  “Mfph, mmfph, mmm”, Brendon struggled to talk with the hand over his mouth until Cloud motioned for the guy holding his mouth to remove his hand. As soon as he did Brendon screamed and was swiftly met with a slap across the face. His vision swam for a moment and in a second Cloud was right next to his face.

                  “I don’t think you get what kind of power I have over you right now Brendon. You are at my mercy. One wrong move and I don’t know could happen. These guys are crazy, paid them next to nothing! Turns out you can do pretty much anything you want with a little imagination and some petty cash. Now, I think its about time we get this party started, shall we?”

                The lights suddenly went out and one large light turned on above the bed. Brendon blinked against the brightness as one after another each hand was replaced with a leather restraint. He fought hard against the restraints but once again there was just too many of them and too little of Brendon. Exhausted from struggling, he went limp on the bed and waited for them to finish. It was clear he wasn’t going to escape just yet, but he kept his mind sharp for any opportunities.

               When the hand over his mouth left, Brendon let out his breath all at once; the guy who had his hand over his mouth had been partially covering his nose too so he gasped in a big, fresh gulp of air.

              “Are you insane, Cloud? What are you going to keep me here, playing out some stupid fantasy of yours? I’m a human being, you can’t keep me here. Sarah will know when I don’t come home”. Brendon was panting, face red, glaring at Cloud, waiting for a response. He simply chuckled again, arms folded across his chest.

              “Sarah? I told her we could be all weekend with this shoot. ‘It’s a big one’, I said, ‘could be longer than we thought with filming. But you know Brendon, ever the perfectionist. He just wants the video to be great. I won’t let him work himself to death. We have a room in the back we can sleep in. Don’t worry!’. And would you believe it, she bought it! Such a sweet girl, I may have to look into a female version of this…” “DON’T YOU DARE GO NEAR HER, YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH”. Brendon was huffing loudly and began struggling against the restraints again, adrenaline coursing through him.

               “Oh relax! I just wanted to get a rise out you! You’re so easy, I swear! Besides, I’m just stalling while my boys get all the equipment ready. I want everything to go just right, so not a thing can be off. Now...” cracking his knuckles theatrically, “I want you to describe how you are feeling in this moment right now. I want to feel what you feel being tied up and scared”.

              “I feel like I want to rip your throat out watch you bleed to death” Brendon spat at him. He knew it was childish but the longer he was strapped down, the more his anxiety grew. Cloud knew he had some phobias that’s stemmed way back from when he was a kid, and it didn’t seem like he was in a generous mood.

              “Good, good. I like your spirit. I want you to keep that fire for when the real fun begins. You see, all the equipment we used in the video, little as it was, was authentic. These guys have _actual_ medical training! And they love torture! Honestly, I have never met more kindred spirits as the people in this building today”. Smiling to himself, Cloud's men went about setting up different tools on the small metal tables that had been brought in while he strode off into the darkness. Brendon began to sweat, a real sweat that made him colder on the table as reality set in. Cloud was going to do something horrible and it involved pain and whatever else all this shit on the tables was for.

             As he was looking around, a body came into Brendon’s view. He held multiple wires and electrodes in his hands and was coming right for him. Brendon feebly struggled again against the bonds as another man approached his other side with scissors. He thrashed harder which received him another slap, harder this time, across his face which produced black spots in his vision. The man with the scissors took the opportunity of Brendon's confusion to begin cutting away his white t-shirt. Methodically, he started with the shoulders and moved to the collar, cutting in straight surgical lines through the thin fabric. When Brendon had gained his full vision back he was naked from the waist up. He shivered once, and let out a small whimper he hoped neither Cloud nor the men could hear.

             The man with the wiring attached two electrodes to Brendon’s temples and three to his chest. Once done, a monitor that Brendon could not see began beeping loudly next to his right ear. Dread flowed from his chest. He didn’t want to imagine why Cloud needed his heartbeat monitored and whatever the ones on his head monitored too.

            “Please, Cloud", Brendon said into the darkness, "It not too late, just let me up and I wont say anything, not to anyone! Not even Sarah! You haven’t done anything stupid yet, so lets just get out of here and we never have to see each other again. You’re a good guy! I know you are! Please don’t do—“ A cloth was shoved into his mouth. “Don’t spit this out or I’ll hit you harder this time” one of the brute ‘surgeons’ spat at him. A lone tear escaped Brendon’s eye but he turned his head away from the asshole who harassed him so he couldn’t see it. As he turned though, he saw Cloud approaching in full surgeon’s gowns with a mask resting just off of his mouth. He was flexing his gloved hands as if preparing himself. Brendon’s eye went wide and he spat out the cloth.

           “NO, PLEASE CLOUD, DON’T—“ but true to his world, the asshole-cloth-guy sent another blow to his head, this one making his whole vision go black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud continues to torment Brendon as he attempts to escape. Brendon can only imagine what Cloud has in store for him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may be a bit shorter than the last, but I wanted to keep the pace, and this is a heavy chapter. The next one will be longer.

“—this time let me handle the treatment of the patient, alright Victor? I swear, you get what you pay for with hired mercenaries! What ever happened to your bed-side manner? You were a doctor once, right?” Cloud was carrying on a conversation with the man who had probably concussed Brendon he assumed moments before. Consciousness swam back into view for Brendon gradually, but his hearing was still sharp.

“And another thing, how many times did you hit him? I’m going to have to monitor him for a concussion now, you fucking brute! Are you going to make sure he doesn’t die? Huh? Dammit, I have to do everything around here. Now, we need to prep him, can you handle seeing if he is awake yet? Maybe try less fists, see if that helps”. Cloud’s flippant anger was echoing off the warehouses walls as he went off to continue preparing, his voice disorienting Brendon. His memory was still coming back, but he remembered being hit, hard.

One eye opened first and saw a lumbering shape standing next to him. He quickly shut his eye so as to not give away the fact that he had come to. Brendon sensed the body move to crouch down next to his face. He felt his hot breath on his face and held back a gag at the smell. Asshole-cloth-guy, apparently named Victor, stood back up and leaned over him, pressing into Brendon’s side painfully. He was really heavy, and Brendon assumed the weight was pure muscle and anger. As he worked to remain still, his eye lid was pulled back and a very intense light was shone down into his eye. Try as he might, Brendon couldn’t stop his eye from watering which gave him away immediately. 

“Hey Cloud, he’s awake. Tried to pull a fast one on me didn’t you little guy? Nice try, but I’ll get you when Cloud isn’t in the room”, the last of which Victor whispered in Brendon’s ear. Brendon shivered involuntarily but couldn’t find his voice yet. His heart in his throat, he shifted his gaze to the direction Victor was talking and saw Cloud smirk slyly at him.

“Ahh, welcome back! Wouldn’t want you sleeping through all the fun we’re going to have together. I did warn you, these guys have a mind of their own! I admire it. Had I been that impulsive, who knows! This could have been some other good-looking guy laying here in your place. Eh, I don’t dwell on the past. I enjoy looking to the future. So, without further ado, I believe this man needs an IV placed. Maestro! If you please…”, and with that, Cloud disappeared again and a smaller man appeared from the darkness with a rolling metal pole and a bag of IV fluid attached to it.

Brendon, consciousness all but restored, began to sweat again. He eyed the man suspiciously and with great desperation but these guys had clearly been long stripped of their empathy. The guy Brendon now nicknamed ‘Maestro’ roughly grabbed his elbow and tied a rubber tube around his upper arm. Brendon watched as his veins bulged under the strain and, while distracted, Maestro jabbed the needle swiftly but efficiently into his unsuspecting vein. Brendon muffled a gasp and cringed, but the deed was already done. He could feel the cold liquid seep deep into his arm and begin to spread to the rest of his body. Brendon’s breathing was coming quickly now as he watched the IV drip melodically in the bag. It looked to be just saline, or whatever they start IV’s with, for now, but he saw another man approaching with a cart full of tiny vials and syringes. Brendon began flexing his arm fiercely, feebly attempting to dislodge the needle from its home in his vein, but to no avail. He knew it was hopeless, but he didn’t want to appear weak. He needed to remain strong.

The cart bounced over to Brendon and came to a stop right next to his IV pole; he hated that, his IV pole. The man eyed the drips as if seeing if the flow was correct and produced a vile from the table. The liquid was a deep reddish colour and looked ominous in the small bottle. Brendon groaned becoming more aware of the cloth in his mouth; they had probably put it back in after the head bashing he received. The man with the cart gave Maestro the red liquid and a pink-capped syringe. Brendon closed his eyes, feeling faint at the sight of the liquid that would soon be running through his veins. When he opened them again, he saw that the IV bag now had the fluid swimming in it, making it look like water after a teabag had been submerged in it. Brendon began to feel faint. He worried they were knocking him out to do something to him without him knowing. That was not case. He did however lose all sensation in his arms first, then his chest, his hips, legs, and finally all the way to his toes. He tried to panic but it was as if the reddish liquid was stopping any and all terror from overtaking him. His vision was blurry, but he could still see Cloud approaching again, this time with many of the men who were still suited up in their surgical gear. 

“How’s our little trouper doing, hmm? Trying to fight those meds, I bet. It’s too bad that you won’t be able to maneuver out of this because this is going to be rough my friend. I have a great many things in store, but I am willing to take my time with you. I can’t ruin my Magnum Opus. I would like you to be comfortable so I’m going to remove this pesky thing from your mouth. You won’t be able to talk anyway, a fun side effect of the drug coursing through your veins. No matter, you won’t need to talk. But do feel free to try, I want to see that fire of yours!

Brendon felt like he was floating in an ocean of syrup, thick and daunting. All he could do was stare at Cloud in fear and wait for the inevitable. Unfortunately, though, he was no where near prepared for what came next. As Cloud lifted his mask to his face, Brendon saw the other men move forward with the metal trays, clinking as the instruments rocked into each other. Cloud examined each tray, with an almost giddiness to him, eyed the one with surgical blades glistening on it, and selected a small sharp tool. He looked down at Brendon’s lower right abdomen and, without looking up, inquired; 

“Brendon, my friend, have you ever had your appendix removed?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been itching to post this chapter ever since I wrote it, so my schedule for uploading may be more frequent if this itch continues. I appreciate the kudos, helps me know I'm onto something here. Enjoy!

**Author's Note:**

> *Just a note, I understand this is sensitive content, some may find it odd or disturbing in nature. Please message or contact me with any concerns you have, it is not my intention to offend anyone. I am signed in daily so I will see any comments you make.


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